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I had a good friend suggest that since the theme of this blog was, oh- what? You didn’t know we had a theme?!?
Okay, to be fair, I do jump around a great deal.
Where was I? Right, since the theme of this blog is a peek inside my head, we really need a music section. I need to do something with books, too, as I read like a voracious carnivore, but I’ll fall off that bridge on another day. Anyhow, I had a good friend suggest that I do something with music in addition to my usual rants.
Ergo, Musical Mondays. Spoiler alert. I make no pretensions as to timeliness… so they might not be on Mondays. AND I can’t promise new music. You’ll just get whatever I happen to be running to at that particular time, on that particular day. Please send me your picks!
So, just punting and seeing where this goes…
Let me introduce you all to Black Country Communion. BCC meet everyone, well, at least, MY everyone. BCC was created in 2010 with their first album, Black Country. They have since released a second album in 2011 entitled “2″. Black Country Communion are a “super group” although outside their genre the “super” members may not be super well-known. So, I’ll introduce them, shall I? Everything is better among friends.
BCC is Derek Sherinian, formerly keyboardist for prog rock favorite, Dream Theater. On guitar BCC boasts Joe Bonamassa who is a successful blues/rock guitarist with eleven solo records to his credit. Drums are masterfully handled by Jason Bonham, formerly of UFO, Foreigner, his own group Bonham, and, for six blissful weeks, Led Zeppelin. Lastly, on bass and lead vocals, we have Glenn “The Voice of Rock” Hughes who honestly, I think, knows everyone in classic hard rock and heavy metal… and beyond. Most notably Hughes has played with Deep Purple and Black Sabbath, but he’s had more “projects’ than you can shake a stick at: Joe Lynn Turner, Tommi Iommi, Night Ranger, Pat Travers, hey, he even played with XYZ.
This is the band’s self-promotional YouTube commercial, mind you, VERY few artists get the kind of back up that once was customary, you know, video, press tour, whatever, it’s all gone now. You want to sell albums? Get out on tour and hustle.
You like that bit about “out of the Black Country they came?” That refers to the section of England Hughes and Bonham hail from. It’s industrial and dark. Sherinian and Bonamassa are Yanks, so you pro-American types can be happy, too. See, something for everyone.
I love both BCC albums. In the interests of continuity, I’m focusing on the first album, but “2″ rocks, too. (No pun intended there.) I love to run to “One Last Soul” and Bonamassa surprised me with his lead vocals on “Song of Yesterday”. Incidentally, Jason Bonham does Bonzo proud on the second half of that song; the drums are thundering, in a good way. Frankly, I’m so used to Hughes as an awesome vocalist I sometimes forget, he’s a hell of a bassist. BCC splits the line between hard rock and blues. They are not what I would call heavy metal. They are no harder than say a Van Halen (in the Sammie days) or a Nickelback. If Nickelback can be tearing up the charts, I honestly can’t understand why Black Country Communion should be left out of the game. They have far superior musicianship, catchier riffs and hey, as the wise woman once said, “they rock!”
Here’s “One Last Soul” from the album Black Country (this is NOT to sell “2″ short, I’m just going in order). Good stuff!
Incidentally, go to Black Country Communion’s website for a free song download and get your BCC library started!
Hope it makes your iPod and I’m looking forward to what you can introduce me to from your library. Though I drift to hard rock, I listen to all types of music, so do not rule anything out thinking I wouldn’t like it.
Make it a great week, my friends. 
P.S. 11:56pm, but still Monday!
Hello, my friends! I am so sorry for the delay between my posts. I have been consumed with other projects and even other blog posts yet to be published. Then I realized I’d best get cracking already. So, grab something to munch on and settle back for today’s goodie. It was a ball to research!
This past week saw the coming and going of another Valentine’s Day. My honey was out-of-town, but it’s okay, because ultimately our relationship is real while Valentine’s Day is fake. Now, don’t get me wrong. Just because it’s a made up holiday doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy roses, a romantic evening and a love letter or two as much as the next girl. Hallmark may have promoted an illusion, however, then the illusion took on a life of its own.
From a starting point of “fake stuff”, it was a small step for this post to get to politics. It’s an election year here in America. More specifically, it’s a presidential election year. Before the year ends we’ll be drowning in flyers, commercials, campaign phone calls and debates. Some candidates have already been running for the last year and a half. It’s a long, tedious, heart-breaking, mind-numbing process. I hear it’s rough on the candidates, too. Thankfully, I live in California, a state that has voted solidly “blue” since Bill Clinton in 1992. I pity those poor souls in the so-called “Battle Ground” states.
Election years mean a lot of speeches. Speeches most candidates hire professional speech writers to write for them, thus rendering every “I” statement fake. These paid for outpourings of promises they don’t intend to keep also include a staggering number of clichés. Some politicians have the money for better speech writers than others, but in the end there are certain themes that come up again and again, things held sacred in the United States. Well, some people hold them sacred.
This got me thinking about America and topics that get people misty-eyed. Things like apple pie, the Pledge of Allegiance and “In God We Trust”. Where did these hallowed pieces of Americana originate? Imagine my surprise upon discovering the answer was simple. Someone made them up. I cry “Shenanigans! (What? It worked on South Park.)
Let’s start with the basics, apple pie. Throughout most of our history, apple pie was not any more popular or American than any other dessert item. Apple pies were baked and enjoyed, of course, but so were cherry, pumpkin and a number of other varieties. We can blame apple pie’s current preeminence on Prohibition. At the time of Prohibition the United States was the world’s largest grower of apples. These apples were primarily used in the making of hard cider. Once hard cider became a no-no, farmers had a whole lot of apples to hawk. In an effort to raise the popularity of apples, a marketing campaign was launched. Such old sayings such as, “an apple a day, keeps the doctor away” and “the apple of my eye” were revived. The apple pie was promoted in women’s magazines and daily newspapers as the most delicious dessert to be had, as well as a patriotic recipe to serve. Let’s be fair, the pie is delicious and what’s more American than good product placement, right?
"As American as apple pie"
Next we have the Pledge of Allegiance. It can inspire even the crustiest of individuals to have a sentimental moment. (Sorry, I still have pie on my mind.) The Pledge was written in 1892 by Francis Bellamy for the magazine The Youth’s Companion at the request of his editor, James Upham. In order to sell more magazine subscriptions the Companion used an incentive program for its readers called premiums. Premiums are basically the same idea as when you get your husband his subscription to Sports Illustrated and they send you that blasted football phone (Woo…. wait for it… hoo.) I’m oversimplifying again. More accurately, premiums are what you would get if the football phone and the old-time Sears Roebuck dry goods catalog had a love child. The magazine had a sort of side business with a catalog of dry goods that readers could purchase. They sold everything from hens to church bells, from moccasins to furniture. New subscribers and renewing readers would also receive free goodies out of the catalog. Between 1888-1892 Upham launched a campaign he called his School Flag Movement combining the goal of selling more flags with the more laudable aim to raise patriotism among America’s youth by promoting a flag for every school. Besides the Pledge, Upham also included essay contests on the flag, “spirited literature” and children could even buy “flag cards” for ten cents apiece. These cards, once you had enough of them, could be redeemed for a school flag. This campaign sold twenty-five thousand flags just to schools. Amazing to think that a ploy to sell magazines and flags would eventually inspire such passionate feelings that after Congress added the words “under God” in the 1950′s we’d end up STILL arguing over it. Oh, and there’s a postscript that conservatives should just adore; Bellamy was a Christian Socialist. Yep, he really was a socialist and he really wrote the pledge. I find that a lovely irony.
Have you bought your own flag yet? All the cool kids are doing it.
The last one is my personal favorite. Probably because so many arguments point to it as proof that America was founded as a Christian nation. (Me? I’ll stand behind the whole separation of church and state. ) Point of fact, the Framers were amazingly specific in their design to keep religion and politics separate, and if you’ve been watching the news this past week or two, you’ll see excellent examples of why. Second point of fact, don’t point to our current motto “In God We Trust” as proof the Framers wanted America to be a fundamentally Christian nation. The motto our Founders actually chose (and is on our Great Seal) was E Pluribus Unum. I think the translation is absolutely beautiful, especially considering the fractured state of the colonies who had just hung on together through the Revolutionary War to emerge as a young nation. It means “Of Many We Are One” or “One From Many”.
What the Founders Chose For Us
“In God We Trust” was implemented in 1956 as a response to the Cold War. Congress and the Federal government were at the height of the Red Scare and McCarthyism ran rampant. Proponents of the change wanted to delineate the Western capitalistic democracies, which were at least nominally Christian from the Communist countries who embraced Atheism. This was beyond product placement. It was our way of trumpeting how cool our entire capitalist system was. At least they didn’t insist on which God we trust, meaning it works for us Pastafarians, too.
In the end, one is left to wonder if it matters how things like Valentine’s Day or the Pledge of Allegiance got popularized or why they were started. I mean, the reality lies in how we view and revere these things today, not in how many cider apple farmers we needed to bail out in the 1920′s. Of course, it does make it that much easier to take every politician’s speeches with an even larger grain of salt, and that’s goes for both sides of the aisle. One person’s patriotism is another’s marketing plan. So, like Valentine’s Day or Grandparents’ Day, they are essentially fake but these pieces of Americana have transcended their beginnings to become something larger and far more worthwhile, sort of like a ragged bunch of colonies a few hundred years back that grew into the greatest nation of our time.
E Pluribus Unum, my friends.
I shall hold off calling "Shenanigans" for now.
Okay, so hopefully as we’ve gone through this wonderful journey of wine you are learning the occasional odd fact. Who knows, maybe something you can use on Jeopardy? We’ve covered the basics, then sight, sound and taste in our wine series. Yes, I’m slowly working my way through the senses. Why rush?
To begin let’s simultaneously review and encourage. I hope that you are gaining wine confidence. Have faith in your opinions, loosen up and enjoy the wine. Never worry about what some expert tells you on how wrong you are. You like the wine? Great, you aren’t wrong. Is everyone in their wine tasting happy place? That’s enough review, moving right along then.
Smell is inextricably tied to our sense of taste. We taste what we smell. The two senses are deeply entwined.
Okay, how about some friendly, practical advice on smelling your wine?
Step 1: You’ll need some wine.
Step 2: Do you have your drinking buddy? Everyone needs a drinking buddy… and money for cab fare.
Step 3: Pour the wine and swirl. (For a review on this check my “Tastes Like Street” post) Extra points if you swirl without sloshing that nice person on your left. The guy on your right had it coming.
Step 4: As you finish swirling bring the glass up, stick your nose into the bowl and inhale. Really get a good whiff. (The human nose fatigues after about six seconds, so don’t go nuts. Just one good whiff or people will turn and stare.) Some people like a couple quick sniffs, but I’m a fan of the one deep breath.
Smelling Your Wine- What it looks like
Step 5: Let your mind sort of wander as you process what you are smelling. Is it like a forest (woodsy), maybe fruity? Does it make you think of a garden? If you aren’t sure wait a moment and then try again.
Step 6: Proceed with the drinking.
See how easy that was? Next, a few do’s and don’t's with smelling your wine. First, if you are going wine tasting it’s best not to wear a strong cologne or perfume. These will compete with the wine and can affect how it tastes to you. Second, likewise if you are in a restaurant or your kitchen and someone is cooking an aromatic sauce or fish or whatever, you probably aren’t going to get the aromas you expected out of your wine. There’s just too much competition around. Third, you may be standing next to someone who’s picking out five or six different aromas on the same glass of wine that you are holding. And here you were so proud to have picked up one scent. Don’t worry. Everyone has a different nose; yours isn’t broken. Feel free to practice. When you are at the farmer’s market or cooking, smell the ingredients. Build up a scent Rolodex in your head that you can pull from when you are wine tasting to identify and describe what you are smelling.
Side bar here: for those of you kids out there, a “Rolodex” was a little file that you kept phone numbers and contacts in before the days of your iPhone contact list. It was actually on paper. I know, archaic, but true.
Becoming more aware of the smells in your wine can help you know whether a wine is good or bad before you even taste it. I recently read a very handy piece on the Huffington Post regarding the six smells you do NOT want in your wine. Just click here to check it out for yourself.
For instance, if you smell wet dog or musty sheets you may have a wine that is “corked”. There is a naturally occurring bacteria called TCA which may contaminate wine. Too much of this and it ruins the wine. Other smells which are red flags are rotten eggs or the smell of a freshly lit match. These odors may indicate improper storage or spoiled wine.
Here are some good smells to look for and some bad ones to run screaming from (figuratively). Remember, this list isn’t everything, just a place to help you get started.
Aromas to look for and some to avoid
As always, there’s the vocabulary section. What? It’s true. Stop complaining, I don’t make this stuff up; I simply relay it to you. Talk to someone in charge. Where was I? Right, vocab time. Luckily for you, it’s a short list. When you are discussing wine it’s actually not a good idea to use the word “smell”. This is because “smell” and “odor” are deemed to lend a negative connotation while words like “aroma” and “nose” offer up a more positive spin. What about “bouquet” you ask? Well, technically it is interchangeable for “aroma” in most wine tasting circles but it is a little old-fashioned.
Questions? Comments? Concerns? It’s the weekend, so you’ll have to ask that guy on your right. You need to settle his dry cleaning bill anyway. Me? Oh, I’m off to find a glass of wine. All this typing has made me thirsty!
“Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved.”
– Medieval German saying
Warning, it’s my blog so you are getting my opinion. I make no pretensions at being impartial, I don’t get paid for that. Heck, I don’t get paid at all. I do try very hard to be fair and I do not wish to be unkind. You want another opinion, fine, but this one is mine.
I use Facebook a fair amount. I say “fair amount”, my better half would probably characterize that as a lot. As per often, I disagree. I’d say I go in spurts. A couple of times a week I’ll post three or four things in a day, then I won’t post for a few days. I do make a point to spend a few minutes on Facebook each day. I like seeing what my friends are doing. And when I say “friends” I really mean friends. If I haven’t actually met you then I don’t accept your friend request. It’s nothing personal; I’m just funny that way. I won’t “like” a page either unless it’s something that I actually know and like.
So when I go on Facebook it really is to catch up on friends, especially those that are far away. It’s wonderful that in a few clicks I can see what Sarah-from-college’s daughter Sheridan is up to, I can laugh at what funny status my friend Kathryn posted this time and don’t get me started on Caroline’s hilarious pictures and cartoons. Not to mention, I love seeing photos of everyone’s kids and vacations. It makes you seem closer. I miss you, guys.
The other day I posted a little blurb on Newt Gingrich. It pictured Newt (not a bad shot either) and then under it read, “Family Values- Using daughters from your first wife to convince everyone that your second wife is lying about your third wife”. I know, funny, right? I was looking at it as the photo equivalent of a political cartoon. It makes an observation. It expresses a point of view. To me being able to express one’s self is a classic hallmark of American society. I can post this about a presidential candidate and still sleep soundly at night knowing that I won’t be hauled off by the secret police in the wee hours of the morning. Neither will my family. That’s an amazing, wonderful thing about this country.
Two of my Facebook friends got into a commenting match with each other. You’ve all seen them. It happens. I’ve entered the fray a few times myself on things that struck me. Frankly, I like when this happens. It is always nice to see people stretch their brains. I mean, that’s what they are there for, brains, that is, to be used. Naturally, as today we live in a society of polarizing forces, my friends came at the topic from widely divergent points of view.
Though I know they publicly posted using their real names, and even photos, and so aren’t ashamed of their opinions, they are not YOUR Facebook friends. Ergo, to protect the innocent, let’s give them aliases. One friend came from a very liberal slant, similar to myself. Let’s call her, Libby the Liberal. The other friend came from a more conservative, republican point of view. We’ll name her, Connie the Conservative. Okay, everyone still with me? Excellent. Let’s get down to brass tacks.
Connie commented on my post that we had previously had an adulterous president but that he had still been supported. To which Libby replied this was true but that Clinton hadn’t run on a platform including protecting “traditional marriage” or “family values”. Libby went on to say that you could be a real lying, cheating S.O.B. yet still be qualified to be president. Her language was more colorful that what I’ve used here. Connie came back to that with a post agreeing Clinton had been elected “without a stand on values” and wasn’t it nice to have a civil conversation. I’m pretty sure that last bit was sarcasm, what do you think? Libby came back with several posts that apologized for any offense her salty talk might have caused and proceeded to eloquently outline some of her frustrations with the conservative wing of our political parties and her perception of the hypocrisies therein. I’m paraphrasing, of course.
Which brings us mostly current to today’s blog post. I say “mostly”, I’ll explain in a bit. There’s a status update.
Here’s the thing. I find Libby and Connie to be amazingly representative of the divide that exists in this country. Quite frankly, it’s a situation doing great harm to our nation.
Much of America is divided into two primary groups. When I Googled the definitions for Conservative and Liberal, this is what I got.
con·serv·a·tive/kənˈsərvətiv/
Adjective: Holding to traditional attitudes and values and cautious about change or innovation, typically in politics or religion.
Noun: A person who is averse to change and holds to traditional values and attitudes, typically in politics.
Synonyms: traditional, orthodox, unchanging, stable, inflexible
lib·er·al/ˈlib(ə)rəl/
Adjective: Open to new behavior or opinions and willing to discard traditional values.
Noun: A person of liberal views.
Synonyms: generous, bounteous, lavish, bountiful, free
To be fair I should mention initially the only synonym I could find for “conservative” was Tory. I had to search again to find the ones that I used. And before anyone starts shouting about my liberal bias let me just say: 1.) You bet your ass I’m biased, and so are you. Everyone is. 2.) I rejected many really ugly synonyms. You don’t believe me? Just Google the word yourself.
Back to our friends Connie & Libby and how they are symptomatic of America today.
These two women have an enormous amount in common, and not just that they are both friends with me. For starters I would wager both of these women would describe family as one of their top priorities. Both of them are happily married. Both are devoted mothers- good mothers. Both are extremely articulate and intelligent. Both have what I would call successful careers. Funny factoid, I met both of these women through my former life in Stampin’ Up! (before you ask, yes, I am still a demonstrator, it’s not my top focus these days). Connie led a business builders Yahoo site for about twelve of us all trying to take our teams to the next level. It helped me. At one point I was the #23 Demonstrator of the Year. Girlfriend Connie knows her stuff. Libby was a mutual friend of a college friend and I met her as one of my customers. So, they’re both crafty and artistic. Told you they were a lot alike. Both are educated. Libby has her PhD. I don’t know Connie’s level of education but based on her intelligence and writing ability I’d say she has some college if not an actual four-year degree. Oh yeah, one more thing, both love their country deeply.
The differences? Well, those are small, yet profound. Libby is an atheist. While Connie is a devout Christian. I’m guessing Born Again or Evangelical, but we’ve never formally discussed it. (This is based on her FB posts.) Clearly, Libby is a democrat and Connie is a republican. One is for gay marriage, the other against. One believes abortion should be safe and legal, the other does not. One believes in a smaller government and the other believes in a smaller government.
Whoa, those of you paying attention just blinked and scratched your head. Gold star for you- that was not a type-o! Yep, turns out conservatives and liberals BOTH want smaller government. We just want it in different ways. We also want control, but over different things. Finally, we both trust people to be able to make their own decisions, but again, you guessed it, on different topics.
For example, conservatives would like smaller government in regards to funding of government programs and regulation of businesses and corporations. They would especially like lower taxes on businesses. They reason, correctly, many government programs are bloated and in need of an overhaul and audit. Trimmer programs would mean less expense which would lead in turn to lower taxes. They also reason that less regulation would allow businesses to innovate. This combined with lower taxes would allow companies to expand, thus creating jobs. They believe that people could do a better job deciding how to spend their tax dollars than the federal government does. Many government programs, they reason, are full of lazy free loaders who are taking advantage of the system. Private charities and churches should be trusted with many of the needs of the deserving poor. Conservatives argue that we should trust in the haves to take care of the have-nots. We should trust in businesses to make decisions that would build the economy and increase jobs. I am over simplifying, but hey, this is just a blog post.
Okay, so far, so good. I get the reasoning. I really do.
On the other side of the aisle are the liberals. They too, would like smaller government. They would like government out of their uteruses, out of their bedrooms and out of their homes. Sexual practices like oral and anal sex are no one’s business but the consenting adults involved. They believe people can do a better job deciding how to make love to their partner in life and, more importantly, who to choose as that partner. They believe people can do a better job deciding how to spend the days of their lives than the lawmakers can. It is not the government’s job to regulate a person’s morality based on one section of the population’s opinion. Liberals want government out of the church business, too. If you read the Framers’ writings, it’s pretty clear. Those guys were a radical bunch. They were serious about the whole separation of church and state. So are liberals. No prayer in schools, no creationism (or Intelligent Design) in science classrooms (I’ve got my eye on you, Kansas City School Board) and no Ten Commandments in front of courthouses. (That last one is mostly because I live in fear of #10. I always wanted a pony and it specifically says not to covet your neighbor’s donkey. They’re pretty close.) Again, I am over simplifying but it’s still just a blog post. Albeit, one of my longer ones.
Conservatives say we should trust businesses, the “job-creators”, to do what is best for the economy. Liberals know that businesses don’t work for the betterment of America, they work for profit and profit will always win. Conservatives say we should cut funding of public programs. Yes, there is bloat and waste and even free loaders but liberals still believe that government does have a role to play in the assistance of citizens who have fallen on hard times. Liberals do not trust the haves to care for the have-nots. I don’t know, blame it on education, we’ve learned too much history.
I am deliberately leaving off the whole Newt debacle. If he becomes the nominee, my blog will be all too easy. It’s written: the family values, the hypocrisy, the affairs (plural), the leaving of the wives (please note plural, again), the 84 ethics violation charges and more, so much more. You want him as your nominee? Go ahead, I double dog dare you.
So here we are, at an impasse. Two sides of a coin and never the twain shall meet. Is there a way clear?
Of course there is, there always is. The biggest thing is to keep talking. Things get rough, don’t yell, take a deep breath. Then try again. As I outlined above Libby and Connie have a lot in common. Actually they have more in common than they do apart. So do Liberals and Conservatives. Obviously, we are unified by three main things: our distrust in government to make the big decisions, our love of this country and our shared humanity and belief in the basic goodness of people. Hey, look, that’s actually four things!
You keep talking. Maybe we can’t change Washington overnight but we can get to know and value one another. Start at the local level. Maybe you begin humbly, voter registration, get more people involved in the process. Or maybe efforts to welcome home and reacclimate returning veterans. We all want to see them valued for their sacrifice and return to happy, fulfilling lives. Maybe there’s something environmental, I value clean air and water for my children. I figure Evangelicals have to value the earth if they believe that God created and touched everything in it. How can they then simply trash His work?
Most of all, we forgive and move forward. We keep looking for points of common ground. We keep looking for compromise, for opportunities to do real good. Liberals and conservatives may not see the world the same way but we have a country to run, children to raise and a tomorrow to see to. We don’t have the luxury of being petty or small.
I promised you a Facebook status. Libby is still my friend but Connie “de-friended” me although I had no part in the dialogue. I am sad to see her go but still, there’s a conversation to be had, children to raise and a tomorrow to see to.
You fear change, Connie? You fear the different? The unknown? Honey, life is change. Life is the unknown. Go out and try to tell the tide to stop if you like, but get out of my way. I have work to do. The world moves on and thinking you can keep things “the way they used to be” has never and will never happen.
Can you spot the liberal and the conservative? Yeah, me neither. Keep talking, ladies.
For the giggle factor I just had to include the info I found regarding sodomy laws- priceless… hmmm, a bit sad. Let me explain, folks, most “sodomy laws” actually include, amongst other things, provisions outlawing oral sex. Not oral sex, say, in public, oral sex at all. And before you cosmopolitan types get too smug and say, “Sure in North Carolina, Indiana, Georgia, but not here”. ( No offense to those states, although hey, you do still have the laws.) You might be surprised, fourteen states have yet to turn over existing sodomy laws. And then are the stupid laws that are just a waste of government time and energy. What if I said in Virginia you can’t have sex during the daytime, with a light on, or with socks on? In Florida, the only legal sexual position is the missionary position (I couldn’t find out if woman on top is allowed, but I have my suspicions). In Arizona it is illegal to have more than two dildos in a home. Drat, there go the Pleasure Parties. In California it is illegal for animals to mate within 1500 feet of a tavern, place of worship or a school. Hmm, I’m pretty sure no one told the squirrels. In Pennsylvania it is illegal to have over sixteen women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However, up to one hundred twenty men can live together, without breaking the law. Thank The Flying Spaghetti Monster for 2003′s Lawrence v. Texas. We’re slowly, state by state, undoing these ridiculous laws.
I suppose it is a sign of the times that Hostess Brands, makers of such dainty, dessert delicacies as the Hoho, the DingDong , the Sno-Ball and, of course, the Twinkie, has filed for bankruptcy protection. It’s the company’s second foray into bankruptcy in three years. They just emerged from Chapter Eleven in 2009. (Does that mean they’re in Chapter Twenty-two now?) There is a growing consciousness amongst consumers regarding calories, high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils and artificial colors and sweeteners. Many people are now focusing on eating fewer processed foods, supporting farmer’s markets and generally eating healthier. Let’s be honest folks, nutritional excellence has not been Hostess’ strong suit, the website Calorie Count gives Twinkies an F (click to see more).
When was the last time you ate any of these? Yep, me, too. That's why the Chapter Eleven Extravaganza.
I can’t help being a little bit sad for Hostess and for us. Those products do represent something pure and fun from my childhood, despite the now mythical shelf life of these little cakes, pies and donuts. They sold their confectionary souls for that shelf life, systematically replacing every fresh, recognizable ingredient for something processed and artificial. These goodies were the ultimate treat, the thing that absolutely, totally would ruin your dinner and we tore into them, we couldn’t help ourselves.
Then, there were the mascots. Boy, oh boy, what a dorky, loveable bunch! There was Twinkie the Kid, obviously an attempt at a super cool would-be bronk bustin’ stud of a sponge cake facsimile. Then there was Happy HoHo who looked sort of like a black, cake version of Errol Flynn sans the mustache. Next was Captain Cupcake, who frankly owes the Skipper from Gilligan’s Island a LOT of royalties (Interestingly, he does sport a ‘stache.) Who could forget Fruit Pie the Magician? Of course, the “fruit” quotient is debatable, but the name remains the same.
From left to right: Captain Cupcake, Twinkie the Kid, Happy HoHo (I swear- why would I make this up???) and Fruit Pie the Magician
And how can one have a fictional world of walking, talking desserts without a leader? Meet King Ding Dong, again, I promise I did not make this up. (Who was on the naming committee anyway?)
Next, allow me to introduce you to Chauncey the Choco-dile. Sorry for the image quality but there are fewer pics of him available. By the way, a Choco-dile is actually a chocolate covered Twinkie. I did not know that.
So few occasions to use the name, "Chauncey", really.
Does anyone else suddenly feel like it’s Saturday morning and we should be watching the Justice League battle the nefarious Legion of Doom?
There was one character that I was unable find an image of, even in these days of the wonderful internet, and that is Soul Bro, a black version of Twinkie the Kid. I’m unclear as to whether he was chocolate covered (thus effectively making him a Choco-dile) or dark cake or simply a cartoon character colored brown. I’m not sure how effective Hostess’ foray into racial diversification of their mascots was. Notice, though, no girls. Not positive I can muster any indignation over that oversight either.
It has been years since I have indulged in a Hostess dessert goodie. I used to love their chocolate cupcakes with the cream like substance in the middle. My all-time favorite guilty pleasure in college were the glazed turnovers filled with a chocolate-ish, pudding-ish, yummy material. (I now know better than to think that there is any actual cream or real pudding in the center of Hostess products, but it sure tasted good at the time.) My flirtation with Hostess was brief. You see, as a child my mom usually refused to buy these longed-for products, no matter how my sister and I begged. Basically, the only time we had them was when we went to someone else’s house. Although, I seem to recall my dad sneaking a few here and there. Then in college I did the shopping and would sometimes indulge. Once I graduated and became a “grown-up” with an adult’s slower metabolism, well, I soon realized that Twinkies were just not going to work, not if I wanted to fit in my jeans.
Hostess also makes Wonder Bread, another item my mother would not purchase. We always had wheat bread, sometimes sour dough. My kids beg for white bread but I’ve never bought it. (See Mom, I paid attention.) To me it’s pretty tasteless stuff but I guess for kids it’s like crack.
I find it odd that we seem to be living in an age of polarities. Take, for instance, the gulf between The Republican and The Democratic Political Parties, the growing disparity between the Have’s and the Have-not’s and the shrinking size of the typical fashion model versus the widening waistlines of many Americans. I guess another polarity would be me getting a tad sentimental over a dessert I rarely had. I guess I just always thought they’d be there, one of those cultural consistencies like Oreos, marshmallow fluff and bologna, none of which I eat. After all, they are a part of our shared cultural experience. Who remembers The Twinkie Diet? And where would the legal world be without The Twinkie Defense? How about that fine culinary creation, The Deep Fried Twinkie? (Not as good as Deep Fried Butter, but then what could be?) Ugh, I think I just threw up a little bit.
Actually, it strikes me one would have thought that Hostess would have been all right, I mean what with those ever-expanding waistlines, but the company says competition from Entemann’s and Little Debbie is hurting them. The eighty-two year old company also has more than 19,000 workers of whom about 95% are unionized. Hostess says the pension plan is contributing to their inability to restructure their debts. (Sorry guys, no sympathy from me here, you make promises, you plan accordingly and you keep them.) We’re left to wonder will the Twinkie go the way of the rotary phone, the Walkman and the video store?
Personally, I’m rooting for Hostess Brands. They’re an American company and 19,000+ is an awful lot of families depending on Hostess. Besides, some day, when I am an old lady and I wear purple, speak my mind and dance how I want whether any one is watching or not maybe I’ll want one of those pies I used to love.
Then again, I do all that now, so maybe I’ll want one sooner.
Hostess wishes to reassure America that as they attempt to climb out of this hole they’ve dug for themselves your supply of Twinkies will be uninterrupted. Heck, you might even want to stock up… after all… we know they’ll keep.
A World Without Twinkies?
