As the years pass I find myself valuing personal integrity and authenticity more and more. Sadly, these are qualities where it is easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk. How many times have we held back from being our true selves? Perhaps we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, maybe we fear rejection. If they knew my true thoughts and feelings, would they still accept me? Still love me?
At the same time, I also place a high value on healthy boundaries. Some things are private. They are simply no one’s business. Just because you love me and I love you does not grant you access to all my innermost thoughts and feelings. Those belong to me and are mine to share. Or not to share.
I guess at the end of the day the things that I choose to share, to articulate I hope to be authentic and true. I also hope that those I share them with can accept me for who I am and respect my boundaries. That gets tricky at times. Because I recognize the challenge, I admire the heck out of those individuals who manage to live life on their own terms. Certainly there can be no one more authentic than Doro Pesch (The Metal Queen) and the late Ian Frasier Kilmister, better known simply as Lemmy. They both live(d) as true musicians. Neither ever married, although Lemmy had two sons that he knew of.
Dorothee Pesch, or simply Doro, chose never to marry or have children. Instead she focused on her music and her career. I’m not saying that you cannot have both, just that she made a conscious decision and it worked for her. I think Lemmy was just too busy shagging and drinking to even consider marriage. He once said he picked up the bass because it was a great way to meet girls. After his death there was a meme online that went viral, the gist of which was directed at suicide bombers, “To all terrorists, Lemmy is dead so there are no more virgins in heaven. Let it go.”
I first saw Doro live in 2000 at the Filmore when she was still fronting Warlock. It was their first tour in ten years as they opened for Yngwie Malmsteen and Ronnie James Dio. My friends and I were blown away by Doro. It was such a fun show- just pure rock and roll. She OWNED that stage. (Side note- In typical Yngwie fashion, Malmsteen fired his vocalist RIGHT before they went on stage and his band played the gig as an all instrumental.) Not only was Doro a dynamic, excellent front woman, but she and her band watched Dio from a box with no one dancing and rocking out more than Doro Pesch, well, except for perhaps me and Michelle- lol! I have not had the pleasure of attending any of her shows since, but I am always on the outlook for her tour dates. I’d go in a heartbeat. Her All We Are is still on my workout mix.
Lemmy and his band, Motorhead, were mainstays on the summer rock concert scene. They never did anything other than full throttle with Lemmy’s characteristic strangled growl/scream vocal style front and center. He habitually positioned the microphone up above him so that he sang up to it. He said it helped open up his throat. I’ll be honest, it looked uncomfortable. (Still, who am I to tell Lemmy where to put his mic?) I remember some reporter on the radio asking Lemmy if it annoyed him that fans always expected him to play Motorhead’s signature tune, Ace of Spades. Did it bother him that he was so known for that one song? Lemmy didn’t hesitate, “Well, it’s a bloody good thing that it’s fucking good song,” was his response. He wasn’t wrong.
Lemmy wasn’t a one hit wonder by any stretch though. His song God Was Never On Your Side is brilliant in a bleak, tragic way. Over the years he paired musically often with Doro as the two were close friends up until his death in December 2015. In fact, he directed that some of his ashes be set aside. They were made into bullets that were distributed to Lemmy’s closest friends. Doro was one of those recipients. Their bands toured together and the two appeared on stage many times. I chose this song, It Still Hurts because it rings very true to me at this point in my life. I do still bleed. I have regrets. Yet, I am happier now than I’ve been in a decade. One can have emotions that are completely contradictory, yet equally true. People are complicated and life is messy. True story.
Doro and Lemmy-two authentic originals. I hope you enjoy!
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
And the promise that we keep
Will stay forever
Do you know what happened to me
After we threw it all away?
Yeah, every day I drowned in sorrow
And if in case you want to know
If I can feel the pain
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
And the promise that we keep
Will stay forever
Try to go on but man, it took a long time
I thought that our fate would never change
But somewhere you were changing your mind
And every day I feel the pain driving me insane
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still weep
Over promises we keep
It still hurts, I still bleed
And the promise that we keep
Will stay forever
This post was written by Erika Gardner. She’s a native Californian, lifelong lover of fantastical adventures, and a dedicated Nerd. If you enjoyed it, please sign up to receive updates on www.erikagardner.com Or you can follow Erika on Twitter @Erika_Gardner, “Like” her Facebook page Erika Gardner- Writer and Storyteller.